Players Conventional Wisdom B. Clinton down arrow Worse year than USAir. You should get leaner and meaner. Pronto. Chuck & Di down arrow Even their sexcapades are a royal bore. Next stop: “The Jerry Springer Show.” Judge Ito left and right arrow Good judge and he knows it. But next time TV calls, sequester yourself. Mandela up arrow A world without heroes? Come to South Africa. Book to outsell Faye’ Resnick’s? Tutsis down arrow Up to 1 million dead and almost nobody cared. The saddest story of the year? J. Helms down arrow Better get a bodyguard if he comes to Upper West Side. Even friend says he’s a redneck. Martina N. up arrow Best tennis player in world gets no endorsements. Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf? R. Nixon left and right arrow Resurrected by death but buried again by Haldeman Diaries. Expletive deleted. H. Clinton down arrow Excedrin hairstyle No. 99; image remake No. 83; commodities margin call in ‘95? B. Shields up arrow Beau Andre Agassi has seen her in “Grease” 14 times. Kids today . . . Rosty down arrow Powerful Dem licked by stamps. Will he soon be stamping license plates? I. Magaziner down arrow Health-care honcho was navigator on the Titanic. Singlehandedly sank liberalism. G. Foreman up arrow 45-year-old boxing champ is boomer hero. CW will name all of its sons George, too. B-B Owners down arrow You’re greedy, dumb, obnoxious pigs. Even George Will says you’re wrong. Arianna H. left and right arrow Can’t elect her Charlie McCarthy husband to Senate. But Newt thinks she’s a visionary. Streisand up arrow Moving East? With Jackie O gone, N.Y. needs new leading lady. And she’s kosher! Newt G. up arrow Old CW: obnoxious, powerless windbag. New CW: charming, omnipotent windbag. Tonya down arrow Trash nostalgia: Gillooly, we hardly knew ye. Where have you gone, Sean? Intel down arrow Are they using the White House PR team? The chips are down. M. Barry up arrow Old CW: whipped by creek, career gone. New: will crack the whip. Get over it. Kate K. left and right arrow Situation wanted: discreet prof. freeloader seeks celeb w/ carr. house. No dogs. P. Jones down arrow Makes G. Flowers look like class act. Memo Penthouse: cancel our subscription. Aristide up arrow Old CW: spacey, murderous priest. New: Mandela of the Caribbean. Reagan up arrow Classy letter on Alzheimer’s will help millions. But CW forgets exactly what’s in it. Dole up arrow Wins Senate, could be prez. Getting cautious? CW wants more nasty wisecracks. L. Neason up arrow 100s on his List mourn as thinking woman’s heartthrob settles down. Touche, Natasha! M. Clark left and right arrow Lead O.J. DA has hardest assignment of ‘95. This tough cookie won’t crumble. “Melrose”’s Alison admits she’s a drunk. C. T-Smith up arrow CW would follow her to rehab any day. Amtrak left and right arrow When everyone’s afraid of flying they’re cutting back service. Thanks, Newt. T. Foley down arrow Who’s to blame for ‘94 debacle? You, Tom for not cleaning up Congress. Happy fishing. Juries down arrow Trial by peers? More like trial by fears. Try Juries listening to judges’ instructions. CW up arrow Another banner year! Wrong, wrong and CW wrong again. But hey-we point the arrows.
